O, monumental Erection of mankind, Sky-scraping, Long-necked, virile pillar of strength Gun-barrel, loaded; o ye sturdy sirloin of study, Like the lofty pine tree, whose Long Limb, Newly grown from small and unsteady sapling, Now heralds its own magnificence as it towers into the sky, And beckons all around to play amongst its vines and Swing from its great branch in joyful ecstasy, So, swan-like, dost thou raise thy stalk against the air And stand forth, proudly, pneumatically, pushing against The choking condom of our squeamishness. Why dost thou tempt me so, o ye slender Adonis of Academe? Like that foul serpent who, crawling amongst the Grassy knolls of Eden, didst seduce Eve into temptation With his sly python's wit and slinky, svelt shape, You, snake-like, bid me advance towards your mighty Stalk, that vast Banana of Bookdom, and mount your Massive spires--O UL, Cucumber of Classics, You towering Phallus of Philosophy, Sleek Sausage of Sciences, soaring Airplane of Arts, Let burst forth thy lava of literature from your immensity, Cover me in your splashing semen of source material, Bathe me in the abundant bounty of your books, Fill me with the frothing fountain of your files, O UL, take me, scrape me, make me yours.
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