This is the deluxe annotated version of the poem, featuring never- before-seen outtakes and new backing vocals by the surviving members of the band. After the poem itself, you will find the original spoken introduction to the poem, which I gave at the Kilmer contest, followed by a brief epigraph, entitled "Wink Martindale, Where Are You," and the original Gilligan's Island theme song, which aired with the original pilot of the series, and was then never heard again.
(It's true; I got it off the web somewhere.
Next is the critical edition of the poem, featuring the episode numbers for each of the episodes referenced in the work. Finally, the list of episodes is itself presented, organized by season.
Enjoy the piece.
Jay
Season One (1964-5), episodes airing Saturday, 2030 - 2100
(in the homoerotic style of early and late 19th century verse, with
nods especially to Wordsworth, Coleridge, Byron, and Whitman)
O Skipper, my Skipper, a Nation Longs For Thee
We be but Two On A Raft, You Voodoo Something to Me
Good Night, Sweet Skipper, I hear the Sound of Quacking
Good-Bye Island, We are Waiting for Watubi
There is, I know, an Angel on the Island,
But Birds Gotta Fly, Fish Gotta Talk
Here, Skipper, in our Home Sweet Hut,
Together in the manly love of comrades,
I like Wrongway Feldman pine for The Big Gold Strike
Oh, 'twould be Three Million Dollars More or Less,
I Plant You now, Dig You Later,
X Marks the Spot of The Matchmaker
as we play Big Man on Little Stick together.
Yea, Skipper, Tis Little Island, Big Gun, is it not?
and I know How to be a Hero:
Diamonds are an Ape's Best Friend.
Diogenes, Won't You Please Go Home?
But O!
So Sorry, My Island Now.
Yea, I, President Gilligan
know that Music Hath Charm as well.
Skipper, you're Physical Fatness
terrifies. But Forget Me Not, I shall not Fear.
Good-Bye, Old Paint, They're Off and Running,
Now Gilligan Meets Jungle Boy.
MMMM, It's Magic, Skipper, let us play
St. Gilligan and The Dragon,
or The Return of Wrongway Feldman,
Let my New Neighbor Sam
show you that A Nose By Any Other Name
would smell as sweet.
"My Fair Gilligan," you cry,
"Water, Water Everywhere," you say,
ah Skipper, portly Coleridgean,
It may take Three to Get Ready,
but in this hour of hour manly bliss,
We are Seven,
Yea, We are Seven.
Season 2 (1965 - 1966), Thursday, 2000 - 2030
(after Ezra Pound)
Fuck Gilligan's Mother-in-Law,
Beauty is and Beauty Does.
The Little Dictator of Agonized Labor
Usura! Don't Bug the Mosquitos
Nyet, Nyet -- Not Yet
Usura! Smile, You're on Mars Camera,
Quick Before it Sinks, Gilligan Gets Bugged
Again and again The Skipper, Mine Hero
pumps Gilligan's Living Doll.
Nyet, Nyet -- Not Yet
Catstaway Pictures Presents:
Hi-Fi Gilligan wins The Sweepstakes
Will the Real Mr. Howell Please Stand Up?
Give up verse, my boy, there's nothing in it.
With Usura, no one is Not Guilty,
You've Been Disconnected, this Ship Ahoax
The Chain of Command is broken,
The Postman Cometh, but no one can Feed the Kitty
Forward March! Feed the Kitty, Feed the Kitty
Nyet, Nyet -- Not Yet
Erika Tiffany Smith to the Rescue,
but too late, Seer Gilligan
already dead in a gutter.
With Usura it's always Allergy Time,
The Friendly Physician says 'V' for vitamins,
But he means V for Vulva, Vagina, Virus.
Love Me, Love My Skipper--?
Meet the Meteor, you Dead Bastard.
Mr. and Mrs. ??? No one knows.
usura, whore, always Up At Bat,
Always Ghost a Go-Go, Always Operation: Steam Heat
Usura, beast of a thousand legs
Nyet, Nyet -- Not Yet
Season 3 (1966 - 1967), Monday, 1930 - 2000
(after Philolexian alums Allen Ginsburg et al.)
Pass the Vegetables Please, I howl, I yawp over
vast uncharted Isles, over centuries of screaming
poets I shout -- Take my Voodoo Candy!
Gilligan, Slave Girl, It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's Gilligan!
Gilligan, the Goddess, Bang! Bang! Bang!
Stark raving Naked, Gilligan, Sluts, Whores,
Hair Today Gone Tomorrow, There's a Man with a Net,
no phones or lights or motorcars but endless hammocks
and ham radios, Where There's a Will,
Gilligan vs. Gilligan, play me twice like a harpsichord,
Take a Dare.. ah- he listens!,
Gilligan Goes Gung Ho, Here I am now Gilligan,
Gilligan, Our Vines Have Tender Apes, I feel Gilligan's Personal
Magnetism,
and now, Topsy-Turvy, I with my face on his hole
make a Ring Around Gilligan, here sweet prince,
Lovey's Secret Admirer, I, The Hunter, The Kidnapper,
The High Man on the Totem Pole, Skipper am I,
Fucker of the Second Ginger Grant,
The Producer of my own Court-Martial,
I know The Secret of Gilligan's Island,
Let me take it in, let me Feed On It,
I know All About Eva, I planned The Invasion,
Gilligan you are The Pigeon, Come now,
Quickly, feel my Splashdown in your throat
Feel all of Western Civilization crashing in a
technicolor panoply of naked Gilligan's run amok in my dreams,
my splashdown, Gilligan, dead raving starling,
& William Blake & Walter Whitman & Oscar Wilde
& then there were Ezra Pound rotting in a cage
& Kerouac & Ferlinghetti & Louis Armstong & Bird on Verve
Gilligan, o Gilligan, And Then There Were None.
To get you in the mood, however, I would like to preface this work with two short meditations, which together with the main poem I believe is not unlike the Oresteia or Oedipus Cycle, a trilogy in three parts, and of course if the judge only likes one part, they can be considered as three separate works.
Wink Martindale, where are you? Wink Martindale, your first name really isn't Wink is it. Wink Martindale, I pine for you, Wink Martindale, I wanna play Tic-Tac-Dough. Oh Wink Oh Wink Oh Wink Don't let the dragon slay me Oh Wink Oh Wink Oh Wink You always know just how to play me
In tropical sea is a tropic port,
Vacation fun is the favorite sport.
This is the place where the tourists flock,
Renting the boats at the busy dock.
Two secretaries from the U-S-A,
Sail on the Minnow this lovely day.
A high school teacher is next aboard,
All taking trip that they can not afford.
The next two people are millionaires,
They got no worries, they got no cares.
They climb aboard and they step inside,
With just enough bags for a six-hour ride.
Tourists come, tourists go, [Obvious ref. to Eliot
Tourists touring to and fro. -Eds.]
These five nice tourists, they take this trip,
Relaxing on deck on this little ship.
The weather is clear and the sun is hot,
(Spoken) The weather is clear? I think it is not!
Tourists come, tourists go,
Tourists tossing to and fro.
The captain is brave, he's (thunder) Carrrrumba! What a storm!
The captain is brave, he's a fearless man, And Gilligan helps
him all that he can.
The wheel, she break and lose all control,
S.S. Minnow do the rock-and-roll.
The sea is now calm and the weather grand,
Where is the Minnow upon the sand?
What happen now will bring you a smile,
The adventures of Gilligan, (guitar chord)
And the Skipper, "
And the Millionaire, "
And Mrs. Millionaire, "
And the other tourists, "
On Gilligan's Isle!
Closing Theme:
We leave all our friends on this tropic shore,
Perhaps they will be here forevermore.
Maybe a rescue will set them free,
Tune in next week and then you will see.
Season One (1964-5), episodes airing Saturday, 2030 - 2100
(in the homoerotic style of early and late 19th century verse, with
nods especially to Wordsworth, Coleridge, Byron, and Whitman)
O Skipper, my Skipper, a Nation Longs For Thee
We be but Two On A Raft1, You Voodoo Something to Me3
Good Night, Sweet Skipper4, I hear the Sound of Quacking7
Good-Bye Island8, We are Waiting for Watubi10
There is, I know, an Angel on the Island11,
But Birds Gotta Fly, Fish Gotta Talk12
Here, Skipper, in our Home Sweet Hut2,
I like Wrongway Feldman5 pine for The Big Gold Strike9
Oh, 'twould be Three Million Dollars More or Less13,
I Plant You now, Dig You Later16,
X Marks the Spot18 of The Matchmaker25
as we play Big Man on Little Stick21 together.
Yea, Skipper, Tis Little Island, Big Gun17, is it not?
and I know How to be a Hero23:
Diamonds are an Ape's Best Friend.22
Diogenes, Won't You Please Go Home?31
But O!
So Sorry, My Island Now15.
Yea, I, President Gilligan6
know that Music Hath Charm26 as well.
Skipper, you're Physical Fatness32
terrifies. But Forget Me Not30, I shall not Fear. Good-Bye, Old
Paint34, They're Off and Running28,
Now Gilligan Meets Jungle Boy19.
MMMM, It's Magic33, Skipper, let us play
St. Gilligan and The Dragon20,
or The Return of Wrongway Feldman24,
Let my New Neighbor Sam27
show you that A Nose By Any Other Name36
would smell as sweet.
"My Fair Gilligan35," you cry,
"Water, Water Everywhere14," you say,
ah Skipper, portly Coleridgean,
It may take Three to Get Ready29,
but in this hour of hour manly bliss,
We are Seven,
Yea, We are Seven.
Season 2 (1965 - 1966), Thursday, 2000 - 2030
(after Ezra Pound)
Fuck Gilligan's Mother-in-Law37,
Beauty is and Beauty Does38.
The Little Dictator39 of Agonized Labor44
Usura! Don't Bug the Mosquitos48
Nyet, Nyet -- Not Yet45
Usura! Smile, You're on Mars Camera40,
Quick Before it Sinks42, Gilligan Gets Bugged49
Again and again The Skipper, Mine Hero50
pumps Gilligan's Living Doll57.
Nyet, Nyet -- Not Yet
Catstaway Pictures Presents43:
Hi-Fi Gilligan46 wins The Sweepstakes41
Will the Real Mr. Howell Please Stand Up?62
Give up verse, my boy, there's nothing in it.
With Usura, no one is Not Guilty52,
You've Been Disconnected53, this Ship Ahoax59
The Chain of Command47 is broken,
The Postman Cometh54, but no one can Feed the Kitty60
Forward March!58 Feed the Kitty, Feed the Kitty
Nyet, Nyet -- Not Yet
Erika Tiffany Smith to the Rescue51,
The Postman Cometh54, Seer Gilligan55
dead in a gutter.
With Usura it's always Allergy Time64,
The Friendly Physician65 says 'V' for vitamins66,
But he means V for Vulva, Vagina, Virus.
Love Me, Love My Skipper56--?
Meet the Meteor66, you Dead Bastard.
Mr. and Mrs. ???67 No one knows.
usura, whore, always Up At Bat69,
Always Ghost a Go-Go63, Always Operation: Steam Heat61
Usura, beast of a thousand legs
Nyet, Nyet -- Not Yet
Season 3 (1966 - 1967), Monday, 1930 - 2000
(after Philolexian alums Allen Ginsburg et al.)
Pass the Vegetables Please71, I howl, I yawp over
vast uncharted Isles, over centuries of screaming
poets I shout -- Take my Voodoo73 Candy!
Gilligan, Slave Girl94, It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's Gilligan!95
Gilligan, the Goddess98, Bang! Bang! Bang! 97
Stark raving Naked, Gilligan, Sluts, Whores,
Hair Today Gone Tomorrow76, There's a Man with a Net75,
no phones or lights or motorcars but endless hammocks
and ham radios, Where There's a Will74,
Gilligan vs. Gilligan70, play me twice like a harpsichord,
Take a Dare84, ah- he listens!,
Gilligan Goes Gung Ho83, Here I am now Gilligan,
Gilligan, Our Vines Have Tender Apes88,
I feel Gilligan's Personal Magnetism89,
and now, Topsy-Turvy78, I with my face on his hole
make a Ring Around Gilligan77, here sweet prince,
Lovey's Secret Admirer87, I, The Hunter86, The Kidnapper80,
The High Man on the Totem Pole91, Skipper am I,
Fucker of the Second Ginger Grant92,
The Producer72 of my own Court-Martial85,
I know The Secret of Gilligan's Island93,
Let me take it in, let me Feed On It,
I know All About Eva82, I planned The Invasion79,
Gilligan you are The Pigeon96, Come now,
Quickly, feel my Splashdown90 in your throat
Feel all of Western Civilization crashing in a
technicolor panoply of naked Gilligan's run amok in my dreams,
my splashdown, Gilligan, dead raving starling,
& William Blake & Walter Whitman & Oscar Wilde
& then there were Ezra Pound rotting in a cage
& Kerouac & Ferlinghetti & Louis Armstong & Bird on Verve
Gilligan, o Gilligan, And Then There Were None81.
The Episodes
------------
Season 1 (1964 - 1965)
Saturday, 2030 - 2100
1 - Two on a Raft (26 Sep 1964)
2 - Home Sweet Hut
3 - Voodoo Something to Me
4 - Good Night, Sweet Skipper
5 - Wrongway Feldman
6 - President Gilligan
7 - Sound of Quacking
8 - Good-Bye Island
9 - The Big Gold Strike
10 - Waiting for Watubi
11 - Angel on the Island
12 - Birds Gotta Fly, Fish Gotta Talk
13 - Three Million Dollars More or Less
14 - Water, Water Everywhere
15 - So Sorry, My Island Now
16 - Plant You Now, Dig You Later
17 - Little Island, Big Gun
18 - X Marks the Spot
19 - Gilligan Meets Jungle Boy
20 - St. Gilligan and The Dragon
21 - Big Man on Little Stick
22 - Diamonds are an Ape's Best Friend
23 - How to be a Hero
24 - The Return of Wrongway Feldman
25 - The Matchmaker
26 - Music Hath Charm
27 - New Neighbor Sam
28 - They're Off and Running
29 - Three to Get Ready
30 - Forget Me Not
31 - Diogenes, Won't You Please Go Home?
32 - Physical Fatness
33 - It's Magic
34 - Good-Bye, Old Paint
35 - My Fair Gilligan
36 - A Nose By Any Other Name
Season 2 (1965 - 1966)
Thursday, 2000 - 2030
37 - Gilligan's Mother-in-Law
38 - Beauty is and Beauty Does
39 - The Little Dictator
40 - Smile, You're on Mars Camera
41 - The Sweepstakes
42 - Quick Before it Sinks
43 - Castaway Pictures Presents
44 - Agonized Labor
45 - Nyet, Nyet -- Not Yet
46 - Hi-Fi Gilligan
47 - The Chain of Command
48 - Don't Bug the Mosquitoes 49 - Gilligan Gets Bugged
50 - Mine Hero
51 - Erika Tiffany Smith to the Rescue
52 - Not Guilty
53 - You've Been Disconnected
54 - The Postman Cometh
55 - Seer Gilligan
56 - Love Me, Love My Skipper
57 - Gilligan's Living Doll
58 - Forward March
59 - Ship Ahoax
60 - Feed the Kitty
61 - Operation: Steam Heat
62 - Will the Real Mr. Howell Please Stand Up?
63 - Ghost a Go-Go
64 - Allergy Time
65 - The Friendly Physician
66 - 'V' for vitamins
67 - Mr. and Mrs. ???
68 - Meet the Meteor
69 - Up At Bat
Season 3 (1966 - 1967)
Monday, 1930 - 2000
70 - Gilligan vs. Gilligan
71 - Pass the Vegetables Please
72 - The Producer
73 - Voodoo
74 - Where There's a Will
75 - Man With a Net
76 - Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow
77 - Ring Around Gilligan
78 - Topsy-Turvy
79 - The Invasion
80 - The Kidnapper
81 - And Then There Were None
82 - All About Eva
83 - Gulligan Goes Gung Ho
84 - Take a Dare
85 - Court-Martial
86 - The Hunter
87 - Lovey's Secret Admirer
88 - Our Vines Have Tender Apes
89 - Gilligan's Personal Magnetism
90 - Splashdown
91 - High Man on the Totem Pole
92 - The Second Ginger Grant
93 - The Secret of Gilligan's Island
94 - Slave Girl
95 - It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's Gilligan!
96 - The Pigeon
97 - Bang! Bang! Bang!
98 - Gilligan, the Goddess
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